Dealing with emotional pain, part three

Explore your capacity to move beyond feelings of insecurity in part three of Esther Teule's four-part series of dealing with emotional pain.

yoga philosophy

This is part of my meditation series “Dealing with emotional pain”.

The root of insecurity

Insecurity, so often accompanied by feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. How can we go beyond these feelings and find our own truth? 

Insecurity can be a paralyzing sensation. Not knowing what do or how to behave somehow confuses us profoundly. Either we don’t trust our own ability or we simply have no clue, both making us unsure about what to do next. And don’t we love to know what to do next!
Actually, thinking about it, it seems to me that not knowing what to do or how to behave is mostly important in a social context: we feel safe and respected when we are self-assured and we feel weak and small when we are confused and indecisive.

Feeling insecure, we feel less than others, not trusting our own taste, preference or judgment. Fear arises that people will notice our inability and reject us for it.

Feeling insecure, we feel less than others, not trusting our own taste, preference or judgment. Fear arises that people will notice our inability and reject us for it.

Our body-mind always remembers situations that made us feel inadequate in the past. Even when we forgot, it will remember the shame of being in a group and saying something stupid. It remembers remarks about our looks, about our bodies, about our behavior. Some remarks made us feel unattractive, some made us feel misunderstood or not welcome or even made us decide never to show this part of ourselves again. These conclusions are triggered whenever we find ourselves in situations that seem familiar… We suddenly feel insecure about how we look or what we know.

We all react to insecurity in a different way. Some of us feel worthless and look for others to tell them what to do. Some of us hide away and avoid any challenge, any risky situation. Others just grab the steering wheel even tighter and pretend to know where they are going. But in all cases we disconnect from our own ground, just trying to survive the moment.

Let’s try another route that might take us home again. What happens when we are able to look beyond our old feelings of shame and sense of failure?

Following the root and landing on our own ground

Like in the other meditations in this series, truth will lead us inwards, right into the heart of things. Instead of focusing on the world around us, looking for reassurance or help, we simply sit down, close our eyes and tune into insecurity. Just imagine or remember a situation that made you feel insecure and work with that.

When we sit down in meditation to meet our insecurity, our mind will probably come rushing in to find a solution; our automatic response. Attached to this response feelings will come up; not being able to cope, feeling unworthy, or even angry. Try to just acknowledge these feelings, but don’t get lost in them. Keep your focus on the sensation of insecurity itself, that vulnerable, ungrounded energy. Or maybe it manifests in a different way, just meet its energy as it appears.

Be curious about what it has to say. What are you insecure about, what are you afraid of? What part of you is not allowed to become visible?

Sometimes we are afraid that people feel threatened by our powerful energy.
Sometimes we are afraid people will ridicule our dreamy, sensitive nature.
Sometimes we are afraid people will not be able to love us,
and so on

Look into this. Find out what you’ve been hiding from the world and bring it back.  Land on your own ground and embrace your powerful energy. Find again what others maybe, long ago, rejected.
Come home to your dreamy, sensitive nature, enjoy it, be it. Allow it back into your life and stop ridiculing it yourself.
Step out of the shadows and love yourself, don’t let old remarks define who you are.

….And just sit with this for a while.

The meditation will guide you in taking this process step by step…

The root of insecurity

Meditation with Esther Teule – 20 min (for members)

The gift of not knowing what to do

When we find our own ground, it doesn’t always mean we suddenly know what to do or how to behave. Sometimes we don’t, and that’s fine! We might still not know what to do with ourselves at a party full of strangers or we might still feel nervous when we need to say something in public. But now that we’ve met our sensitivity underneath it, and have embraced this part of ourselves, nervousness is just something that happens. It’s OK. If we can bear the uncertainty and stick with it, not knowing can be an invitation to discover something new and inspire us in an unexpected way. Just sit back, don’t move and let life do the talking.

Hopefully these words have inspired you to look within and make peace with all aspects of who you are.

Love, Esther

This is part of my series “Dealing with emotional pain” 

If you would like to keep reading more on dealing with emotional pain why not read:
Part 1 – The wisdom of hurt
Part 2 – Dancing with anger
Part 4 – Into the heart of sadness

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