Feeling happy with yourself as you are right now means letting go of thoughts that say, “I’ll feel good when I’ve… lost weight… been to the hairdresser… have a bit of a suntan… am stronger, healthier… moved house… had a baby…” etc, etc. You fill it in.
This doesn’t mean it’s not good to work on something like a strong body and mind. But work on it just because you can, just because it’s fun! Not because you believe it will finally make your life all right.
Enjoy the process, don’t worry about the goal
To help you to stop believing that you need something to make your life all right, try answering the 4 questions from Byron Katie at the end of this article.
Answering them from an honest, open-minded place will help you to stop believing all those thoughts that are holding you back from being happy with who you are. For example, wanting something that isn’t there and rejecting something that is, is a surefire way to guarantee suffering and to ensure your mind will always be busy with that elusive moment in the future when all will be well. All can only be well, right now, right here; only in the present. A moment just like this one.
All can only be well, right now, right here; only in the present. A moment just like this one.
You are already complete
You lack nothing because you’re already whole. According to the yoga teachings, we suffer because we almost all seem to forget about this fundamental truth about our true nature.
You are already what you are looking for
Forgetting about this truth and believing thoughts that you are not good enough and you need something else, encourage us to live our lives trying to become something we are not.
Try this self-inquiry:
Close your eyes and ask yourself the question “How would I be if I believed that I am whole, complete, and exactly as I need to be?” Every moment, again and again…!
Life expresses itself through every one of us with an equal amount of love and acceptance. Life expresses itself through an oak tree, a wild cherry tree and a bush. Through a wilting flower, one in full bloom and one growing. It’s all part of life, it’s all part of the whole. It’s only judgment and thoughts that qualify one as being better than another, or that something needs to be different.
Begin with loving and accepting yourself as you are right now. Next, you’ll notice that your judgments of others will begin to fade and you start seeing the beauty in any and all expressions of life. We are all equal, all beautiful and all a creative expression of the one.
Here the link to my favourite song from Alanis Morissette – That I would be good. Listen to it with your eyes closed and please believe it!
Loving yourself as you are
In this class I talk about how important it is to love yourself as you are. Understanding self-compassion and self-confidence will help you be kinder to yourself and, as a result, to the wider world around you.
Byron Katie’s Four Questions Inquiry
Ask these questions to yourself about your statement or belief – an example could be the statement “I will be happy when I have lost weight”. Close your eyes and tune in! Wait and let the answer come from your inner being.
1. Is it (the belief) true?
Do I know for sure that if I lose weight (as an example), I will finally feel good about myself?
If the answer is yes, ask question 2. If the answer is no, move on to question 3.
2. Can I be absolutely sure this is true?
Imagine asking wisdom itself. Close your eyes and really tune in for the answer to come.
– No you can never be sure, next you will need a partner, or a baby, or a holiday home to get there.
No matter what the answer is, move on to number 3.
3. How do I think, feel and behave when I believe this thought?
That I will never be content or happy with myself until X Y or Z happens.
– I feel unhappy, insecure, waiting for things to get better, I’m jealous of people who I keep comparing myself to…. etc…
4. Who would I be without this thought? If I stopped believing this thought?
Close your eyes and tune in again and really imagine, feel the answer…
– I would be exactly as I am and I would be ok with that.
– I feel peaceful with the situation as it is.
– I’d be perfect.
You can find more information about Byron Katie and free resources on her website www.thework.com